This topic caused some beautiful conversations I had during the Christmas/New Year holidays and the first days of 2018.
Or rather, these conversations drew my attention to how difficult it is for me to stop / relax / do nothing / sit on my ass / laze or just breathe over the beauty of the moon in the sky.
And I was really close to collapse, luckily, I quickly understood that it is basically a feature of every man.
It really is not surprising that a guy who, for example, can build a house, plant a tree etc. has a problem with breathing a moment over the flowers.
Of course I can not generalize because maybe there are many men who can stop and do nothing.
Just a note for full understanding “doing nothing” does not mean the situation when a partner asks you “What are you doing” and you answer “Nothing” by looking at the screen of your phone / PC / tablet…
I can see several situations in my life when I am really in my body in the so-called “here and now” fully enjoying the moment. These are beautiful moments after an effort or physical work when I’m just there, or wonderful evenings when I sit on the couch with a cup of tea near my beloved and I feel fully present at this moment.
However, the task orienting ability itself is positive for a man. It gives you a pawn to keep the loved ones, pursue yourself professionally and create truly beautiful and wonderful things for your family and the whole world.
The problem begins when doing things or completing tasks become the main goal of your life…
That’s when it starts what I call BECOMING A ROBOT
There are some very typical symptoms of this extremely dangerous condition.
I prepared a very simple self-diagnosis for myself in 5 questions:
1. Do you meet with friends / colleagues just to do something – playing basketball, going to the pool, gym, shopping, or party?
2. Do you call your relatives / family only for some occasions, eg birthday, mother’s day, holidays?
3. When using a public transport, are you staring at the phone instead of, for example, talking to fellow passengers?
4. In the evening when you talk to your partner / wife, are you talking mainly about what you have to do for the next days or planning the holidays?
5. You do not really have friends you can visit without being announced.
If you answer all these questions with a big
then you are on the best way to become a robot
And that’s okay as long as you believe that the purpose of your soul is simply to earn money and live your life as a never-ending list of tasks to do.
But if you still have your youthful dreams, admiration for the sunset and even glimpses of childlike joy, I adjure you for all the saints you believe in (and the same I repeat to myself every day in front of the mirror) Do not let the tasks fulfill your life.
Because it is never too late 🙂 And you always have the chance to change your life. Just do not wait too long because the older you are, the harder it will be.
It is true that wisdom comes with age, but much more often the age comes alone unfortunately:)
OK, what to do then?
My solution is very simple. Draw strength from the tasks, and at the same time allow yourself to enjoy beautiful moments of “nothing to do” when real relationships with other people are created 🙂
For my part, I can recommend three ways to form this beautiful habit.
LOG OUT AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE
In fact, log out of the continuous stream of dopamine that your smartphone provides you with. When meeting friends and family, while playing with children, simply turn off your phone or at least switch it to the airplane mode. Give yourself this chance and see what happens when you are really 100% at the moment.
SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE IN NATURE
This might seem to be a cliché known since the enlightenment time, that a man staying in the wilderness feels simply better, happier and more relaxed. If you cannot move to the countryside or suburbs right away, go for a walk to the park.
Even 30 minutes of walk can completely clean you from the flood of stress and emotions that accumulated throughout the day. And besides, there is no more pleasant “nothing to do” than going for a walk.
If you have a problem with motivation to walk, I recommend having a dog. Effectively it forces you to at least two walks a day 🙂
LEARN SPONTANEITY FROM CHILDREN
And do not say that you do not have them at the moment, because you can always have some:). And secondly, there are definitely some children with whom you can spend time or play. Children of your siblings, cousins, close friends. Become a good uncle for a moment and take your child / children to nature 🙂
And just be present with the children (and logged out :)), and watch how spontaneously they admire the world around them. How they can create the most amazing adventure track out of 3 old boards 🙂 🙂 🙂
And learn to be in the moment by this observation 🙂
And above all, give yourself time and do not take offense at your wife or partner when they point out to you that, for example, you act like a robot (Though they probably will say it in a lot nicer and gentler way:))
First of all, being angry at a woman and making a fuss is completely unmanly (you can read about manhood HERE)
And secondly, with every fuss you make you hit a woman and you weaken your relationship.
And remember that life is more than just completing tasks and never afraid of CHANGING FOR BETTER!!!!
Men’s task orienting quality – How to have the strength to act without becoming a robot :) :) :)
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