We become mature when we no longer have to blame someone or something for what happened to us.
Maturity is more than just physical change. It is about achieving balance in most situations in everyday life.
Let’s think. Do you remember when you were a child? Childhood is a great time, so we often look back longingly.
This is the time when we discover the world and feel safe because adults take care of us. We did not have the maturity to be responsible for ourselves.
In infancy and early childhood, our parents protect us, meet our needs and most of all, they make decisions for us.
Therefore, growing up is a bittersweet experience. The truth is, we lose comfort and security, but we gain something infinitely more valuable: freedom.
Over the years, we gradually take control of our own lives. The most important thing is that we are working to meet our basic needs. However, there are other aspects where we need to learn to take responsibility: our emotional ties or our mental health. This is maturity.
It is the way we deal with responsibility that makes the difference between growing up and maturing. Time passes and we are all growing. Nevertheless, how we take responsibility for our emotions determines that in addition to growing up, we mature.
Maturity is looking for solutions not blaming.
Making decisions involves experiencing the fear of making mistakes and uncertainty. So much that sometimes we stop and it is difficult for us to choose one direction or another. The truth is we all do it. Making mistakes is part of the learning process. Do you remember when you learned to read at school?
It was very complicated at first, we made a lot of mistakes. However, with practice, reading became an essential skill.
Awareness and admitting we are wrong involves a complex process of thinking and analysing the facts. Therefore, it is sometimes easier to look for external causes that justify our mistakes.
This is where the fault comes in, our minds often rush to find the culprits when we encounter obstacles or have a problem. So much so that sometimes, even when we stumble over an object, we blame it for disturbing us.
Has this never happened to you? You walk absentmindedly down the hall and bump into a toy that should not be there, injuring your foot.
Without thinking, you hear yourself criticizing “that damn toy.”
It’s natural, frustration seeks blame, but what happens when the obstacle you encounter is more than a toy in the middle of the corridor?
For example, you fail an exam for which you prepared so much, or your employment contract has not been extended.
It is difficult for you to talk to your spouse. Or your parents get angry when you give your opinion.
If we do not stop, do not reflect, react emotionally, guilt will appear in our minds.
We can blame others, the circumstances and even ourselves.
But stop and think: does feeling guilty help us? Guilt prevents us from being happy. When we blame others or ourselves for what happens to us, we focus on negative emotions and attitudes. We feel angry or frustrated. We feel sad or resentful, but we do not move forward. We get unhappy. However, if we courageously move through these negative emotions, we will realize that beyond who or what is to blame, there is something more useful: taking action and changing the situation.
If we start looking for solutions, we will feel that we can try to fix what is wrong, we can work on it.
‘Let’s try to be parents of our future rather than children of our past’ -Miguel de Unamuno-
Surely you remember a situation similar to this: something unjust has happened to you. For example, you did not pass the exam you thought you could pass easily.
You feel bad analyzing the situation in your mind, complaining about the teacher or yourself. So you are looking for the guilty one.
You lack maturity. You will get stuck thinking about what happened in the past.
The feeling of guilt blocks us. But emotions change if you change your attitude and decide to do something. For example, setting a schedule for re-examinations, analyzing the problem where I need to learn again, asking for help.
Frustration turns into motivation. To mature is to learn to move from the first state to the second. So the next time something goes wrong and you start blaming yourself or others, think that the best thing you can do for yourself is to close the old book. Negative emotions are inevitable, but if we seek solutions, not scapegoats, at some point we will realize that we have left them behind and are moving towards our positive life goals.
This is maturity.
Isn’t the high time to do everything we can to achieve it?