Male-Female Relationships, Through a Man’s Eyes – From the Tantric Closet – Episode 1

Hi, I’m Szymon. From time to time, I’ll be sharing my experiences here from what I like to call the “tantric closet.” I have a few things to share with you about relationships, about masculinity and femininity—from a man’s perspective.

A man looks for structure and truth; he also seeks for comfort, safety, and a sense of justice. A woman looks for a path to love and flow. Her truth is the current emotional state of the relationship—what’s happening right now, what she feels in this moment.

If you’re arguing about who’s supposed to clean, then honestly, it doesn’t really matter what the “truth” is or what you agreed on before. Or if a decision led to a disaster—like buying a couch that’s falling apart—it’s not about finding someone to blame or proving who’s responsible. It’s about something entirely different: at that moment, there’s no love, presence, or joy in the relationship.

With spontaneous feminine energy, the male mind and its ideas about how reality “should” look tend to constrict the flow of love between partners. Here’s a simple metaphor: imagine a river. When a man starts overthinking and strategizing, it’s like throwing rocks into that river and building a dam.

And what does the river want? To flow. A woman needs to be embraced like the ocean and heard like the waves—sometimes calm, sometimes stormy. That attitude creates the foundation for feminine energy to blossom. When you allow that energy into your relationship, it begins to flourish like flowers, and you both move into deeper levels of connection.

In tantra, it’s the woman who opens the gate and leads — and the man is responsible for holding space, for safety, for the dynamic and energy of the relationship. That’s the truth. For many men, this is a shocking idea. Even in personal development circles, people often look for balance and fairness, like some kind of equation.

But what would happen if you took 100% responsibility for the state of your woman? Just think about it. Your mind immediately starts negotiating: “Okay, maybe 99%… but that 1%—that’s on her.”

And sure, you can structure a relationship like a business plan—transactions, exchanges, “this for that”—and it might work for years. But the question is: aren’t we giving up something much bigger, some deeper adventure, in the name of comfort and peace? In many cultural or therapeutic approaches, that’s the goal—“stability.” We call it “stable, but…”

In tantra, we go deeper. Why do we as men give up the energy that is, in essence, our divine nature? What’s the payoff? Where is our big heart?

When a man clings to a victim mindset, it often shows up as complaining from the moment he wakes up. That reinforces the sense of being a victim and denies his deepest nature—his power and his heart. But it’s up to us to open ourselves to that power. It won’t just appear on its own. If we choose weakness, that’s what we stay with.

A harmonious relationship is a dynamic one, with the right kind of tension—like a battery, plus and minus. Energy constantly flows between a man and a woman, just like in communication. Men, let’s not get hung up on words.

Because the moment you rigidly cling to your “truth,” the energy blocks instantly. There’s no exchange, no flow, no love. I know this from experience—how many times I’ve caught myself fighting just to be right. And you could jokingly say: ‘If you’re right, you pay for dinner tonight.’

From a tantric perspective, a woman—subconsciously and paradoxically—uses every tool she has to guide a man toward opening up, toward real love, just to reach his truly alive, open heart. And that’s not an empty phrase. Look at any great tradition: in the Bible, in Buddhism, in tantric texts—it’s all about the heart.

That’s the devotion and love of a woman who allows herself to be carried by the current. A wise woman often doesn’t even fully know what she’s searching for, yet she keeps digging, keeps moving, boldly expressing shifts in mood—a river of emotions. And the male mind tries to figure it out, to judge: who’s right, who’s wrong, win or lose, did I do enough or not enough?

But that’s just mental noise. Because where our thoughts dominate, calculation sneaks in—and we drift far from the heart and from love.

So what can you do about it? Start by asking yourself: what do I gain from this? What do I get from constantly trying to control the situation? The next step is conscious action—change. Because we always have a choice. It starts with a small step, but the strength is always there to take a different one.

This is about letting go of ego, stepping into a different level—dancing with joy even through your own arrogance and ignorance. Every time we lose presence in a relationship, our mental “demons” wake up.

Let’s go even deeper. If you “win” an argument with your partner, your ego inflates. If you lose, the ego absorbs energy as a victim—like a black hole. But it’s the same coin, just two sides: heads and tails. And the point is to drop the coin altogether.

This isn’t about being passive or just agreeing to everything—your ego would still be alive and well. It’s not about becoming a doormat. But when we truly work on this, through an authentic relationship, we can—as a couple—offer something meaningful to the world.

That’s what a relationship is about. It’s not just about comfort, convenience, and consumption.

I could talk about this for hours, but that’s enough for today. Oh—and I almost forgot: this channel is co-funded by the Interplanetary Union project for equal opportunities between Mars and Venus. Thank you.